Christmas & renewed excitement

Gaby is teething. My little poppet is only 2 months old, but she is starting. The 26-27th December were quite possibly my 2 hardest days as a Mum, so far. All Gaby did was cry - and she was really inconsolable. I think I cried almost as much as Gaby did. I felt so useless & like a bad Mum, because I couldn't get her to settle.

It's funny - I *know* that an inconsolable, upset, grizzly baby, is no reflection of my parenting skills, that crying is a baby's way of communicating - and it is something all baby's do.... BUT when it is happening, I automatically think "I'm the worst mother in the world, Gaby must hate me, what am I doing wrong". The time you need to remember that crying isn't anyone's fault - and that it isn't a 'bad' thing, is the time that all of those mantra's fly out the window.

My life is now spent cleaning up drool, and administering teething powder... not to mention trying out different ways to sooth my poor baby's gums..... While it's a bit of a stressful time, I'm also in a way, very excited about Gaby teething - it means she's growing up, that she's developing as she should be - meaning that I am doing a good job, that I have done SOMETHING right along the way!

... She is getting so beautiful, each day I fall more and more in love with her, and I cannot imagine my life without her. I never knew that I could love someone as much as I love her, and I really would do anything to protect her. All those love songs seem to make more sense now, and I inevitably tear up, when I hear certain songs - such as 'Amazed' by Lonestar, and 'Don't Wanna Miss A Thing' by Aerosmith........

The 'In The Womb' series was on TV last week, and I recorded it - I was in tears almost the whole way through the documentry, because it is so amazing. Amazing to think that Gaby started out as a microscopic cell... amazing to think that Gaby was once 3cm long... amazing to think that Gaby was once not-viable outside the womb..... Amazing to think that Gaby went from being invisible - to weighing 8lb4oz & measuring 51cm at birth.......... What is most amazing, is that it all happened by itself, no one MADE it happen.... right from the second of conception, the egg & sperm that would become the Zygote... the Zygote that would become the Embryo... the Embryo that would become the Fetus......... knew what to do... Without any control from me

warming to Christmas again

While getting a couple of presents engraved yesterday, I was talking to the man who was doing the engraving, about the joy of having children, and the fact that having children around, makes Christmas all the more exciting. That is so true! The past few years, Christmas has just been another day - it's been a day to share with family which is always nice, but something has been missing....

With Christmas '06 approaching however, I am finding I am excited about Christmas, and feeling very festive - it almost feels like it did back when I was a kid. The only thing I can put it down to, is having Gaby. Somehow this

cute little cherub, who will probably sleep through most of Christmas day, and who won't realise what all the fuss is about, has made the season seem exciting again.

... Normally I hate Christmas shopping, but this year I had a lot of fun
... Normally I hate wrapping presents, but this year it was fun!
... Normally I hate the prospect of all the cooking & cleaning that needs to be done, but this year it's just getting me even more in the Christmas spirit!

How can one so small, create such a bit change in attitude?

welcome to my life as a first time Mum!

Gaby turns 8 weeks tomorrow, I really should have started this blog earlier - but managed to forget! So here is a short-ish summary of the past 11 months of my life!

A brief pregnancy overview:

• February 7th - I found out I was pregnant. For the first trimester I had HORRIBLE morning/evening sickness, was constipated, had no appetite, my boobs were sore, I was going to the toilet every 10 minutes.... and i loved it!
• April 4th - Had first scan & got to see my bubby for the first time, it was a day of great relief as I had been worried about miscarrying - following my miscarriage in November '05.
• May 19th - Had second scan & got to see my baby again! We found out we were expecting a girl, it was a fabulous feeling to know I had a baby girl in my tummy. The scan went perfectly, it was a relief to know that everything was okay with the baby
• October 1st - Had a scare when the GP couldn't find baby's heartbeat! I went to the doctor becuase I felt dizzy, and was having numbness in my left side - never imagined I'd end up at the hospital, hooked up to the CTG machine! Of course everything was fine - the midwife was able to find baby's heartbeat straight away!
• October 12th - My due date arrived, but the baby didn't!
• October 24th - I went into hospital at 7.30am, to start the induction process. No progress at all was made that day!
• October 25th - Back on the L&D ward for 2nd day of induction process. Once again, no progress was made, so after talking to the ob & my midwife, I opted to have an elective cesarean the following morning! But Gaby had different plans.......

The Birth...

Around 5pm I went to the toilet, and found that I was starting to lose my mucous plug! I was in the toilets every 5 minutes checking, and by 5.30pm, had lost my whole mucous plug! I had started to feel some period type pain as well - I had had the same pain on the Tuesday night too, so just put it down to the prostin gel, from the (attempted) induction. My parents & Stu came to visit me after dinner, and by that time I was experiencing quite a bit of pressure in my pelvis - I couldn't get comfortable when sitting down because of the pressure. Stu was going to leave about 9pm, but decided to stay a bit longer. Just as well...

At 9.28pm my water broke! I stood up and "wooooosh"! I looked at Stu and said "uhhh I think my waters just broke", and stood there, not knowing what to do! I rang for the on duty midwife, she came & walked me to the toilet so we could check that the amniotic fluid was clear, however we found that there was a fair bit of meconium present. I don't remember much after that, but I was wheeled down to the L&D ward, my midwife was called, I rang selected people (Mum, Sister, Aunty, Friend, Stu's Mum & Step-Dad) and they came down.

I was hooked up to the CTG machine, and it showed that baby wasn't in distress at that stage, but there was a risk for it. At this stage, I was also experiencing what I thought were very strong contractions, but the CTG machine didn't show one contraction - my midwife told me that what I was feeling were 'prostin pains', from the prostin gel that she had used to try and induce my labour. It may not have worked at the time, but now it was ALL working at once! The pains felt like really bad period pains, and were so painful that I had to breathe through the pains, as I would imagine you would for a proper contraction. My midwife offered me some panadol, which I accepted, and within 10 minutes, the pain had gone!

The ob came in to talk to me with my midwife, and I told them both about my anxiety, about going through with a natural birth, being worried the whole time about baby going into distress, and asked if I could have a c/s - seeing as I had opted for the elective c/s. My midwife & the ob both agreed that it was probably the best course of action to take, as there was some worry about baby's head being too big to fit through my pelvis.

I was prepped to go in for a c/s, and the ob went away to get the theatre team ready. About quarter past midnight, I was wheeled down to the theatre suite... It took around 20 minutes to get my drip in & the spinal done - due to my veins hiding! Eventually we were all ready, and then Stu came in and took his place beside me - and it all began!

Our precious baby girl - GABRIELLE JAYDA-LEE was born at 1.01am, a very healthy 8lb4oz, measuring 51cm and with a head circumfrence of 37cm!

As soon as I heard her crying for the first time, it started ME crying - I just couldn't believe our baby girl had finally arrived, and that she was alive & healthy. My entire pregnancy I had worried about losing her late in the pregnancy - I almost EXPECTED to lose her, so it was very overwhelming when I heard her crying for that first time! The midwife & paed gave her a once over and checked that she was okay, and then my midwife introduced me to my precious baby girl!

Stu got the first hold with Gaby, he was able to hold her until we were ready to go through to recovery - which is when I got my first hold! Stu stayed in recovery with me until about 3.30am, but then I told him to go home, and my Mum came in to meet her Grandaughter for the first time. 5am we were wheeled back into our room, and I got some sleep - quite peaceful sleep really, due to the morphine pump that I was on!

That morning at 8am, my Dad arrived to meet his Grandaughter for the first time, and during the day we had other family members come to meet Gaby for the first time. The Friday night Gaby & I were transferred to the Burwood Hospital Birthing Unit, and then finally, on the Sunday morning we were discharged & allowed to come home! It was lovely finally being home with my baby girl!



The first few weeks....

Gaby settled in brilliantly, and right from day one was a fabulous sleeper at night, waking up every 3-4 hours for a feed, nappy change & then back to bed. From very early on she was an alert little poppet, and enjoyed her nightly walks with Poppa, around his garden. Gaby had a few nights of colic, between 3-6 weeks of age, but lately she has seemed to be okay as far as colic goes, so hopefully we are over the worst of it!

I think that I've been coping well with motherhood! I have had a few moments where I've wanted to crawl under a rock, but then I'll look at Gaby sleeping peacefully, and those feelings go away - I am in awe of her, she is changing each and everyday, becoming more and more her own little person. It won't be long before she'll be up and running around, creating havoc wherever she goes!